my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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