the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
