But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
