she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
