The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
