oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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