i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
