ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize