I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
