I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
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Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
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It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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