YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
