just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
