I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
