Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
