so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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