No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
