how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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