It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
