He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
