I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
