did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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