Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
