I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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