And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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