Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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