im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
