what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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