Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
