I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
