He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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