apparently the secret to your success is patron
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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