I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
