It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
