I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
