The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize