to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
