I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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