Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
