Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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