I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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