Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
