I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
