best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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