I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
