I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
