I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
