Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.