I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i need an iv and a liver transplant
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
