tell your sister to shave her snatch
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
