i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.