i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
