Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
