i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
