did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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