i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
