im drinking this country out of the recession.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I looked at my own cervix.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
