I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
