there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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