I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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