this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
