so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Naked Twister starts at high noon
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
