dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
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