hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
