I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
