I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
