she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
