I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
