I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
