The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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