which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think I have vodka in my lungs
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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