you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
