I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
